Why Soccer Sucks
Soccer & Fascism
Idiots making Dennis Rodman seem civilized.
Next time, save up for the entire haircut.
Another loser who decided to leave the Army before the initial buzzcut was finished.
Soccer dude forgets to comb hair, ever.
When Hair Plug Surgery Goes Wrong: tonite on FOX.
This dude exports 2 million barrels of oil from his hair every month.
"I come not to praise Caesar, but to look like an idiot."
"Wow, look at my nest!"
This defies description.
New Jersey women of the 1980s have nothing on this dude.
Just because you have the ability to turn your hair a different color doesn't mean you should. Cretin.
Beware the dangers of closing sun roofs.
Look in a mirror. You are not black.
Color aside, what the hell was this idiot thinking? "Just cut the sides, and forget about everything else!"
"Just randomly cut it and throw a few of those colors in my hair, barber."
Yet another soccer haircut inspired by carpets.
If you grow a ponytail, maybe people won't recognize your receding hairline.
Wesley Snipes sure as hell didn't mean to inspire this.
Stupid looking hair does fit with a stupid activity like soccer.
John McEnroe grew up. Why the hell can't you?
Soccer mullet #32,512
Another soccer hairdo inspired by fusilli.
Head, meet bowl. Bowl, meet head.
Team captains are about to teach their "mates" how to give head.
You are bald. Deal with it. So much for the athleticism of soccer when 50 year olds are common.
You are bald. Having one long strand of hair doesn't change that.
Soccer combover #77,331.
"Barber, take all the hair from one side, and comb it over the rest of my head!"
Maybe if you grow hair everywhere but on your head, people will ignore that you are bald.
"Let's simply pretend we're on a desert island somewhere that has no barbers!"
There are these things called scissors, which barbers employ to help you groom yourself.
When Sideburns Attack: tonite on FOX.
I'd be pissed if I had hair like this too.
Frankenstein meets Peter Frampton.
The effects of the British law banning haircuts had some deleterious consequences.
"I wish I was Dr. J."
We can be certain that this dude is not smiling about his hair.
This soccer participant is a naturalist, housing several families of birds in his hair.
Pets do look like their owners.
This dude heard hair has protein in it. Given those bony girl arms, he thought eating hair might help him become a man.
The goal is not to have a stupider hairdo than the others.
Soccer mullet #47,125.
Soccer mullet #12,917.
Hey, it's Flock of Seagulls!
Why? Are you so bored with soccer that you need to amuse yourself with ridiculous hairdos?
This entrant won 1st place in the "What would Mike Keenan look like with a fruity ponytail?" contest.
This dude grew a ponytail because he didn't want anybody to read his name.
I didn't know whether to put these homos in the perversion section or here. The hair won out, for obvious reasons.
This dude is planning to become a pimp after his soccer participation ends.
The mullet is made even goofier with the pervert mustache.
"I have a vewy good fwiend in Wome named 'Biggus Dickus.' "
Psychological damage from kids teasing him during high school about the inability to grow a beard caused this embarrassment.
At least he doesn't have to comb his hair in the morning.
The 1980s are over, dude.
Another random hair coloring victim from the Hairdressers' Mafia.
Actions have consequences. Like if you cut your hair like an idiot, you will be considered an idiot.